So, here’s the now that is Thursday 29th March, 2017+Screw+I of Bogus Gasman doing a selfie in front of a poster in the Bird’s Nest advertising his upcoming wedding ceremony to Al Grumble of Nuke On Route (examples of two of the best Punk bands ever) on the very roundabout I wed Madge the Midget Mannequin on the very same date, the First of April 2016…perfect prompt to finally release the wedding album having given Hello+whatever plenty of time to pay me for the shots, but no….anyhow, continue with a speedy synopsis along with a slide show of images as it’s now my priority to publicize this prime example of thearmed909 living in the moment and enjoying every living moment of it.

1st year reminder

So, it was on a whim that I advertised my proposed wedding on FB, in a somewhat unpolitically correct manner in 2015 to a midget on the roundabout on Deptford Church Street outside the Bird’s Nest, SE8 to take place the following April 1st in 2016…people got in touch, I was touched…fast forward a year and I was still looking for a midget in somewhat unpolitically correct ways. Dearest Charles Hayward, a local and world-renown drummer had offered to amputate his very own legs in order to be my midget groom but I replied, ‘No, thank you kindly for the offer but that would be a crime against humanity and a musical sin like no other. I could and can not deny the world your percussive sensibility for the sake of a wedding whim.’..the absolute irony of this situation is that within a matter of days, Charles unfortunately happened to severely break both of his legs after falling from a performance from a somewhat high-stage performance in the Montague Arms up the road in New Cross Gate…

…slight detour as the Montague Arms is a rather special place for a whole host of reasons…from the top of my head in a rushed kind of state…A) the ancestral owners and their, ‘thank you, no thank you, no thank you, no thank’, kind of attitude. B) one of the local A20/A2 locations my Dad spent his stag do at. C) It was the intervention, delay in time and communication created by a friendly group of squatters that secured its place as a great boozer and not another block of flats…we celebrated the coming of 2011 (I think!) together…photos coming soon…

When I learnt of Charles’s injury I exclaimed, ‘Oh dear Charles, if only I had agreed to you chopping off your legs to become my midget groom on the roundabout, you would never have broken them falling of that very high stage.’ Alas, it was by then too late and Charles was not able to drum for many months to come. The happy ending exists though and Charles has made a full recovery and I occasionally see him passing by with his fold-up buggy carrying his drums.

The date, 1st of April 2016 came around far quicker than I was ever able to send out official invites or actually find an actual midget. It was a Friday and I adorned my wedding dress having not given up hope and continuing to keep the dream alive. Having almost lost all hope, I stepped upstairs into the kitchen and came across my dear friend, matchmaker, bridesmaid and hair-dresser, Ms. Chess Mulgrew who hooked me up with Madge the half-cut mannequin. Within minutes, we’d found flowers, Shelly and a minister. All we needed on arrival to the roundabout was a witness and photographer…lo and behold, along comes Mr Samuel Mead who courteously covered it all.

The rest is history. With moments to spare, the ceremony happened with the sun shining and we made it back over the threshold for our pre-reception drinks and cake kindly offered by Jacquiline.

However, it was only a matter of time before my eyes turned green as Madge the Midget Semi-Mannequin clearly looked a lot better than me in the photos. As a lady, you have to understand my fury. I had to force Madge to eat cake whilst I spoilt my dress spilling cake and red wine down it. Madge just wouldn’t get into the swing of things and was so stiff and non-responsive to what was meant to be the best day of our lives. The final straw that broke this camel’s back was Madge’s ongoing resistance to mixing and mingling with my friends during our reception in the Bird’s Nest. Ready to consummate we were but I just knew by closing time I most probably wouldn’t.

24 hours and Madge was still stiffly hanging out in the Bird’s Nest overheating the sound system whilst I fucked off for a random MBS night in the Flying Dutchman.

The last time I saw MY ANCHOR was with Madge. I knew when I collected Madge, even though I didn’t have to, that MY ANCHOR was a missing. It took me a while to fully come to terms with this and I have since been learning to live again.

Enjoy the slideshow below and rest assured that there’s more to come soon but I’m going to get told to go home any moment now and don’t wish this to be left pending a moment longer.

As for Al+Screw’s upcoming date destiny, I hear rumour that not only is Rachel the ordained ministress unable to make it, Screw’s due to move into his first home-home for a long while and Al has fallen in love with a super amazing lady called Rose.

By the by, I’m still planning on reclaiming love in the roundabout locality or I’ll be ‘from our bleedin’hearts’ up the road a 47 away and back again.

Unto death do we part. In sickness and in health. For better or for worse. I do wed. But I won’t fuck you.